So I'm home.
Everything is a mess! I cant see my desk - i had to clear arm holes through the junk to reach my keyboard. And there are books all over my floor in piles and boxes because I thought it would be a good idea to throw away my bookcases right before I left.
Also I only have about $20 to my name.
AND its hot!
All this aside, lets talk about my going away present to some poor Korean boy...
I've been sick the past week from some mysterious food poisoning I picked up in Jeju Island so that basically whenever I eat I vomit uncontrollably.
Anyway, Saturday morning I get up, I have some spare time and there was breakfast prepared downstairs at the place I was staying so I thought.. ok, just a bit of rice, maybe a little soup and I'll be fine.
Unbeknownst to me, loitering in the kitchen was the Ajima (lady who owns the place and prepares the meals) and she proceeds to serve me a huge bowl of rice and equally huge amount of soup.
I didn't want to be rude - so I ate it all.
And I'm feeling fine, my friends come to help me to the airport, we ride the bus for about an hour, everything is cool. We check in my luggage and hit up burger king so they can have some breakfast. I'm not feeling the best but its still ok at this point and I'm thirsty - so I have a coke.
But then, afterwards, I decided I didn't want to leave the country without one last banana milk (the god of Korean beverages) so I find a convenience store and down one of those bad boys quickly before saying bye to my friends and going though customs.
I make it to my gate, sit down. I'm taking deep breaths at this point, telling myself I'll be fine.
I start to perspire... but its ok.. its fine. People are boarding the plane and I'm camping out, waiting for the cue to die down.
Then it's time. I get up and approach the boarding staff. I'm through, all I have to do is make it to the plane, take a seat, chill and it should all pass.
But then through the gate... an escalator.
I'm descending and it hits me, rising in my chest, a malevolent beast. I get to the bottom and there's nothing; the bridge is packed with people, an empty room and some Korean guy sitting at a desk with mysterious doors behind him.
So, I drop my things and run up to him and I'm all like "I have to go back there and vomit". And hes looking at me all confused and I'm doing vomiting hand gestures and looking panicked and looking at the doors and hes telling me no in Korean, ushering me into an elevator...
So I'm all whatever at this point, I'm hunched over, taking deep breaths, swallowing heaps. I get in the elevator and hes riding with me when it happens.
I see myself projectile vomit down the mirrored wall, he turns in slow motion with a look of horror at me and I'm trying to catch the vomit, its pooling on the elevator floor and I'm looking down at it and at my hands and at his face, all in the space of one floor.
When we arrive at the top I'm finished, we get out of the elevator and the doors close. He says something in Korean and the rest of the staff look at me.
One of them takes the vomit coated boarding pass from me, I'm still cupping vomit in one hand and running off to the bathroom.
I get there, wash myself as best I can - feeling fantastic at this point, having been relinquished of my daemon.
Only then to have to return to the gate, take my vomit coated pass from the hostess (who handled it between the tips of her thumb and index finger like the disgusting vomit coated plane ticket it was) and then, take the walk of shame... Back down the escalator, past the boy at the desk - his face still wrought with horror - down the bridge, and onto the plane, the last passenger.
Anyway, I sat down next to some importer-exporter Iranian guy with a big head who was on his way to New-Zealand to visit relatives? I smelt like vomit but needless to say, I slept like a baby for the six hour flight. It was amazing.
All aside, Korea was fun - as I expected.
I may this week, if time allows, post some photographs of the highlights of the ordeal.
If not, until next time, keep it real.

So I saw Valentines Day.
It was horrible.
I hate myself for having seen it, so bad was it in fact, that within 15 minutes I was contemplating ways in which I could get out of the cinema and run screaming down the street clawing at my face and eyes.
My first instinct was to fake a call, run, and then later explain to the Korean guy now saved in my phone simply as "do not answer" that my father had a stroke and I had to leave and pack and go to Australia and that I'm sorry but he should stop calling.
But instead I camped it out - hating myself.
Never have I witnessed such unmitigated crap.
(This was Tuesday by the way... it's Sunday and I'm still mad. Its Sunday and Valentines day and I'm having rape-like flashbacks)
And the salt to the wound was that somewhere in close proximity some garlic eating mother fucker was breathing all up in my airspace.
I had to watch a romantic horror show while breathing some randoms garlic breath.
Why.

yo. I don't actually have anything interesting to write about.
But I'm bored and I can't leave my room right now because somehow on Friday night amidst all the debauchery I managed to lose my keys.
I got by Saturday and Sunday using my house mate to let me in but now hes at work/school all day so I had to face the landlady (whom I'm scared of) and ask for a new set of keys... which for some reason is taking all god damn day! Aren't Koreans meant to be super efficient or something?
Anyway, I have a few days shy of three weeks remaining before I return to Perth. And honestly, I'm kind of excited. I thought that since I was over here and not working/studying I would have heaps of time to write about things.
But its sad really, I've practically been doing nothing.
I shop, party, eat, sleep a whole damn lot and sit in Starbucks reading - yes, Starbucks, I'm such a hack.
So, I'm kind of looking forward to having uni and work to get back to, having a car to cruise around in and some warmth and sunshine, not to mention my bedroom and all the things in it.
Anyway, as I sit here sipping some shitty packaged "mochapresso" scribbling stuff in my sketch book and feeling sorry for myself, I listen to Jon Hopkins. Someone a while ago told me to download his work and although I don't remember who (probably Tim or maybe Nakil.. maybe Hayden) I'm pretty happy about it anyway, its remarkably good and soothing.

He's some Brit electronica guy, check it out:




Also, I finally read the Monkeys Mask (Dorothy Porter), which I mentioned I wanted to read sometime ago. It was awesome, and it only took a few hours so you can easily bust it out and I strongly recommend you do. Its about a lesbian private detective trying to find a missing girl and her killer. Oh, and its written all in verse. Here is some of it:

Dead Kids:

Dead kids upset me.
There's no drink
to take away the taste
of a fresh face rotting.

Useless
to tremble and vomit
and howl it's not fair.

You look at the spots
on the back of your hand
you look at the lines
fraying your face.

But you're still glad
it's the kid
not you.


Oh awesome, I have some keys now. I don't even feel like going out anymore. It's rainy and cold.
Tonight I'm going to see Valentines day with some creepy Korean guy who wouldn't stop talking to me on the subway a few weeks ago. He beat me down into going to the movies with him the evening I met him. We saw "It's Complicated".
I'd like you to imagine for a moment what it would be like sitting next to a middle aged Korean man you'd just met, while watching a romantic comedy that's comedy is mostly derived by old people having sex, getting high etc. while your Korean friend eats and offers to you terriake flavored beef jerky.
I really cant wait for our movie date this evening.

I think that's all I have.

My shadow stalks me at night in artificial light.

Taxidrivers are manic and their service is practically free.

I hung out with this guy tonight and his amazing camera.

Its 1:47AM.

Someone is housing cups of black soil in the bathroom - nothing grows.

It is cold.

Aboriginies on ice.

So some Russians stole some ceremonial dance moves from the Australian indigenous after watching it on YouTube or something. Anyway, they've made this ice skating routine based on the traditional Aboriginal dance that everyone is talking about, complete with dark costumes adorned in paints, and red loin cloths, etc:



I don't know about you but I find it vaguely amusing the extents to which people can exploit the indigenous. Not in a HAHA way but in a kind of ironic way.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY WEEKEND.

Friday, you wake up and go to the gym. When you're done you sit at a Dunkin' Donut alone and eat two donuts, one glazed one sugared, along with a latte, you immediately regret the sugared donut.
For some reason you're in a good mood and back at your place your housemate comes up to visit. You sit together in your room, hes on your computer and you make fun of his hair. He says he needs to cut it and so you suggest he lets you shave it into a Mohawk for fun.
He agrees so you go downstairs to his room and shave it. You go shopping together and are amused at Korean peoples reactions to a big white guy with an angsty Mohawk.
You help him buy some shoes and then eat at a Canadian place called Yaletown. You order onion rings for the appetiser but they serve you wings which tasted good anyway. You eat a burger and go home to get dressed to go out.
You wear a white top with a black skirt and your friend jokes about how he can not only see your nipple but the whole areola. You put on a coat and a red scarf and catch the bus to a suburb called Hongdae. You meet the crew upstairs in a kfc. Before you go to a restaurant and watch them eat BBQ. You shoot soju.
You go to Karaoke. Everyone is drunk and you try to sing Kiss by Prince but no one there really likes it so you're singing on your own and you butcher it.
You go to zen bar, theres about ten of you and you order a bottle of tequila. You eat cake and the DJ plays a happy birthday song. You and your friends girlfriend start ordering rounds of tequila, two at a time because they only cost $1.50, you have at least 8 more shots and you're dancing with your friends girlfriend.
Its time to leave and you're catching a cab back to your suburb, your friend and his girlfriend go home and you're walking somewhere with a Korean friend. You pee in a public bathroom because you were complaining and then you make your friend buy you some gum that ends up tasting like disinfectant.
You go to a bar called 'the bar' where your other friends went.
Josh a creepy American-Korean guy you met last time you were in Korea who at the time asked if he could dress your face with make-up rocks up out of nowhere to say hi. Later he walks in on you while you're in the male toilets for undisclosed reasons. You laugh.
Downstairs you see the Colombian gangster you had a run in with last time you were in Korea. He's harmless - you hope. One of his friends tries to hit on you, you take his sunglasses, then throw them over the bar because you don't like them. The barman cant find them. You get a beer and sit at a table across from another Colombian gangster, a tall one, dark haired, gold earring. Your memory fades and you wake up at 3pm in your friends apartment.

You stay in bed for a further 3 hours. The two of you get up to get some food around 6pm. It's snowing. You try to eat but it tastes bad and makes you nauseous. On your walk home you eat a waffle with caramel sauce. Its good. You stop off at your gym to use the sauna because you are cold. It makes you feel better.
At home you get dressed while your friend and his girlfriend are waiting in his room.
You get a cab back to Hongdae and drink soju while you ride. You go to Zen bar again to see a Korean dude and his girlfriend. They order a bottle of Jack Daniels. You try to shoot it but it makes you sick so you drink Budweiser. Across the bar you eye the biggest blackest woman you done ever saw. You point her out to your friend.
They finish the Jack Daniels and 'maybe Ryan' is texting you because he wants to see you. You order a bottle of tequila and agree to meet later at gogo's.
The tequila is gone and you're leaving, behind your table as you get up you see the black woman. You walk over and say hi. Shes perturbed and wants to know what you want, so you tell her you like her and that she should make out with you. She laughs at you. You tell her to come to gogo's and shes walking behind you out of the club. Outside you harass her to kiss you, shes about to kiss your cheek when her boyfriend rocks up and she runs over to him. Hes holding her and you harass her some more. He says she'll do it if you make out with your friends girlfriend. You do. They say no. You leave for Gogo's
When you're there you see maybe Ryan, you don't like him so you dance with other people. You try to leave gogo's to visit a friend but maybe Ryan takes you to a bar. You listen to him complain about his life while you oscillate focus between his crooked nose and the bottom of a beer glass.
You shut him down and get a taxi to your friends place, the taxi driver likes you and he asks you to kiss him on the cheek goodbye. You oblige. When you get out of the cab it takes you 45 minutes to find your friends apartment because you got dropped off in the wrong place. Its freezing.
The next day you go home and eat Samgyopsal that your landlady prepared. Its delicious. You go to your room and watch the Divinci Code followed immediately by Angels and Demons while eating caramel popcorn and then go to sleep hating yourself for it.

KOREA AND QUITTING SMOKING

So. I've been very lazy, not really posting anything of substance for quite some time. However, these things happen, and at my defence I was working like a mule trying to save and get ready etc etc etc for my next point which is I'm in K-town aka South Korea where the kimchi is hot and I'm supposedly a "Russian prostitute".

Now, I've never really had the nous for many subtleties however one can't help but notice in a city of dark haired strangers that your snow white complexion doesn't exactly just blend in with the snow like you had hoped, especially when you're powering down the street alone smoking a cigarette. According to my French friend, who is king of cultural sensitivity, I am the white she-devil and the Ah-jo-shi's (old men/uncles) are going to burn me alive in the city square.

It is things like this that without the guidance of well informed expats I would have been blissfully unaware of. Another thing for instance, never has a Korean mentioned to me the similarities I share with that of the "Russian prostitute" however, it is approximately 80% of expats I meet here that bring the damn thing up - simply because I'm a blonde haired white woman. God bless them.

Apparently in the 90's during the downfall of the Soviet Union while Korea's economy was booming tons of Russian Prostitutes flooded into Korea selling themselves to the willing Ah-jo-shi's and tarnishing the name for my fair creatures indefinitely. And even though its not so bad now as it once was, apparently my quiet stroll up the street enjoying a smoke in the bitter cold is in fact my being crudely bold and obvious of my willingness to partake in all manor of sexual exploit. Great.

This brings me to my third point; quitting smoking. On the way through to Korea from Australia I had to transfer in Malaysia. Excellent I have time, I'm quite desperate at this point, I'll partake in the purchasing of a carton of super cheap cigarettes to take into Korea. However, low and behold, as I'm practically tearing the card with my teeth in the smoking lounge of the airport, packets tumble out with grotesque visual anti-smoking propaganda. That's cool, I can handle it, regardless if its 100 times worse than in Australia.. I'm a big girl, I'm aware of these outcomes.

Roll on new years eve and the subsequent celebrations that carried on for three days as crew here took the party to an other city, hotel rooms and a beach side condo, drinking, having fun, smoking etc. etc. There is one thing in particular that I'm quite fond of here and that is their drinking culture. It's huge. However, its done quite differently to Australia, with most drinking done while enjoying a meal. This is all good and well, where it not for Soju, a liquor of unmitigated horror, where you can party for three days in another city and not remember a thing, and unfortunately it often goes hand in hand with smoking ridiculous amounts of cigarettes, should you be a smoker. Come Monday when I wake up back in my room feeling a little worse for wear, I swallow to discover my tonsils and sore and swollen, sitting at my desk I turn to see a life sized blistering cancer consumed mouth my friend had torn from the side of the carton when I arrived to point out its repugnancy.


I intend to quit smoking.








Australia vs. Malaysia












....and this guy because I thought it was cute.

Lenko Boutique is coo, check it out if you're in the 3000.

...but in slow motion, like a movie - the sun goes down, the city gets darker and all I can see is the red Lamborghini and all I can hear is my own even, steady panting.

I'VE DISCOVERED SOMETHING AMAZING!

This guy...



that video is pretty old but this new one reminded me of how awesome this guy is...


<3

SHARP

stolen from the satorialist

What is with birds at this hour of the morning, and why the fuck don't I own a gun!?!?!?!

Aaaargh I'm so busy! Aaaargh university is hell... Aaaargh etc etc etc.
Mostly too busy to post/too guilty to post because I'm meant to be studying sooooo here's some things in brief to think about/ check out...

A) Hazel Dooney's artworks. Why? Because they're pretty! She does awesome post-punk_almost_pop, kind_of_looks_like_digital_but_totally_not because it was painted by her sweet_delicate_awesome_questionably_lesbian_woman_hands. She, like her artworks, is sincerely smoking. Here are some pictures for fun......
*I kind of have a crush on her.

















(From her Cowboy Babes series)













She does amazing watercolour drawings also. <3
(From the Venus in Hell series)

She also has a blog: http://www.hazeldooney.blogspot.com/ read it if you care to.

B) Dorothy Porter's novel The Monkey's Mask. Why? Because I would be reading it now if I had the free time? yeeah, I guess its not exactly a good idea to suggest something you haven't actually read yet but this book looks so cool, its been sitting in my pile for ages and I'm itching to read it, its written totally in verse and apparently it has all the good stuff... murder, humour, sex etc. and it was an international best seller or something.


C) I was going to mention some movie that I've seen that was good but the only movie I watched recently was called Bad Taste, it's a Peter Jackson movie from the 80's. Its p awesome in its violence and obscurity soooo if you like that sort of thing check it out. It's set in New Zealand (I think) and its about aliens that are going to use humans as meat for some intergalactic fast food chain then some guys called "the boys" come along and kill them all. There are explosions and one guy has a chainsaw and dives through a roof with it down into an alien and out the other side saying "I've been reborn". Neat.


That's it.

hello. I've had no Internet for the past week hence the lack of posting. BUT it was worth it, now I can dl at 1.8MB a second - and you know what that means!

SUMMER, BEACHES, AND BOYS BOYS BOYS

So I'm writing this to you from my iPhone at the beach, waves are literally crashing behind me and the sun is warming my winter white back. This is great. On that note, here's a short list of things I have that I think you're probably going to want this summer:

1. A fucking convertible - it's the best, unless it's 40 out and you're a bald man.
   
2. An iPhone - best thing I ever got locked into a two year contract for :D
3. Live in a coastal city - Perth is pretty lame until summer rolls in and you suddenly remember the cities appeal.
4. Awesome friends that surprise you by taking you to one of your favorite bars to see a sweet band you've never heard of;

Which takes me to my next point... Boys Boys Boys - saw them last night, highly approve. 10 points for the entirely appropriate homoerotic lyrics and for the three hot as sin front women with sweet choreographed dance moves. Their music is pretty awesome too. Pick up an x-press and find out when they're playing next because you don't want to miss them, they're fresh like when snowman first hit the scene and quirky like oki oki before they did nothing with their sound.
Now, theres a trio of pigeons approaching a pack of seagulls and I'm pretty sure theres going to be some sort of beach scene like at the end of Warriors, only with birds. I don't want to miss this, I'm out.

Also here's a picture of the band.

OH, BUT PEOPLE LOOK WELL IN THE DARK...

...Dark party bars, shiny Cadillac cars
and the people on subways and trains
Looking gray in the rain, as they stand disarrayed
oh, but people look well in the dark

And if you close the door
the night could last forever
Leave the sunshine out
and say hello to never...

Velvet Underground, After Hours

<3

This hat is sweeeet.

For there comes the hour when nothing more can happen and nobody more can come and all is ended but the waiting that knows itself in vain.

Beckett, Three Novels.

WRAP YOUR LIPS AROUND THIS..

Given the existence as uttered forth in the public works of Puncher and Wattmann of a personal God quaquaquaqua with white beard quaquaquaqua outside time without extension who from the heights of divine apathia divine athambia divine aphasia loves us dearly with some exceptions for reasons unknown but time will tell and suffers like the divine Miranda with those who for reasons unknown but time will tell are plunged in torment plunged in fire whose fire flames if that continues and who can doubt it will fire the firmament that is to say blast hell to heaven so blue still and calm so calm with a calm which even though intermittent is better than nothing but not so fast and considering what is more that as a result of the labors left unfinished crowned by the Acacacacademy of Anthropopopometry of Essy-in-Possy of Testew and Cunard it is established beyond all doubt all other doubt than that which clings to the labors of men that as a result of the labors unfinished of Testew and Cunnard it is established as hereinafter but not so fast for reasons unknown that as a result of the public works of Puncher and Wattmann it is established beyond all doubt that in view of the labors of Fartov and Belcher left unfinished for reasons unknown of Testew and Cunard left unfinished it is established what many deny that man in Possy of Testew and Cunard that man in Essy that man in short that man in brief in spite of the strides of alimentation and defecation wastes and pines wastes and pines and concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown in spite of the strides of physical culture the practice of sports such as tennis football running cycling swimming flying floating riding gliding conating camogie skating tennis of all kinds dying flying sports of all sorts autumn summer winter winter tennis of all kinds hockey of all sorts penicillin and succedanea in a word I resume flying gliding golf over nine and eighteen holes tennis of all sorts in a word for reasons unknown in Feckham Peckham Fulham Clapham namely concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown but time will tell fades away I resume Fulham Clapham in a word the dead loss per head since the death of Bishop Berkeley being to the tune of one inch four ounce per head approximately by and large more or less to the nearest decimal good measure round figures stark naked in the stockinged feet in Connemara in a word for reasons unknown no matter what matter the facts are there and considering what is more much more grave that in the light of the labors lost of Steinweg and Peterman it appears what is more much more grave that in the light the light the light of the labors lost of Steinweg and Peterman that in the plains in the mountains by the seas by the rivers running water running fire the air is the same and then the earth namely the air and then the earth in the great cold the great dark the air and the earth abode of stones in the great cold alas alas in the year of their Lord six hundred and something the air the earth the sea the earth abode of stones in the great deeps the great cold on sea on land and in the air I resume for reasons unknown in spite of the tennis the facts are there but time will tell I resume alas alas on on in short in fine on on abode of stones who can doubt it I resume but not so fast I resume the skull fading fading fading and concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown in spite of the tennis on on the beard the flames the tears the stones so blue so calm alas alas on on the skull the skull the skull the skull in Connemara in spite of the tennis the labors abandoned left unfinished graver still abode of stones in a word I resume alas alas abandoned unfinished the skull the skull in Connemara in spite of the tennis the skull alas the stones Cunard (mêlée, final vociferations) . . . tennis . . . the stones . . . so calm . . . Cunard . . . unfinished . . .

Samuel Beckett. Character: Lucky. Waiting for Godot.

Such an awesome monologue, try to say it out loud really quickly. It's fun.

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE... LAZERS DO

Fuuuuck yeah, I haven't heard such a wholesome album like this since The Return of Dr. Octagon. (that could be subject to change) my point is its a pretty pro album and I give it 7.5 broken-daggarin-dicks out of 10.